White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my phone needs a breathalizer
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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