We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
