I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
