she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
