I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
