so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
