So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Are we still banned from the library?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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