First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
