I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
