hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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