And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
