She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
