Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
