Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Its about making memories worth repressing
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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