I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
