Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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