There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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