I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
