i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
