I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
