I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
