Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
