hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
