Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't put those talents on a resume
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
