Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
