were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
