Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
