just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We have started to decorate penises.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
