I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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