Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
