She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
