yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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