Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
