I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
