Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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