Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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