i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
