I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
