Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
