Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
