she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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