Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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