Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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