She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
