I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
