OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
