The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
