tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
