you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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