i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
