Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
